Mammals

Austrian Sheep Dog

The perfect companion on a long trek or just the right size for a pit barbecue. By popular demand we are only shipping sheep dog live or in a cleaned and skinned Ready to Eat™ package that is perfect for pit roasting. Due to the size, our free shipping offer does not extend to this item.

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Price: $395.95

Shipping: $50.00

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Baby Seal

Pets or Food™ is proud to announce that we have renewed our exclusive arrangement with Russia's premier furrier to provide freshly clubbed and frozen baby seal meat to American dinner tables! Order now while supplies last!

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Price: $68.99

Shipping: $0.00

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Beagle

The Beagle has landed at Pets or Food™! The breed famous for confronting the Red Baron and antagonizing Germans everywhere is now available for discerning animal consumers. Beagles are known for their wanderlust. Once out of sight of their owners, these pups are often gone for good. Which is good news for us! Thanks to their flighty nature we have an abundance of Beagles and offer them to you for a song. There's not a lot of meat on Beagle bones, so the ready to eat pouch comes with Beagle Brats and bone in roasts. We bet Manfred von Richthofen would love to get his hands on some!

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Price: $19.95

Shipping: $0.00

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Chihuahua

Pets or Food™ has the largest Chihuahua stock in the continental United States. Our Ready to Eat™ Ground Chihuahua is the most popular product for our grade school buyers. Because our customers have made this product such a huge success, we're offering a 10% discount to all educational buyers.

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Price: $5.95

Shipping: $0.00

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Doberman

This is the product for the big dog lover! Our dobermans are bred and raised in wide open spaces producing some of the leanest members of this species. Our live animals come pre-trained to obey basic commands like "SIT", "ROLLOVER" and "KILL." The Ready to Eat™ animals include two meaty flank steaks, two full sets of ribs, a rump roast, a luscious breast, and four "drumsticks."

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Price: $259.95

Shipping: $0.00

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Domestic Feline

Our domestic feline stock comes from a variety of sources, including city animal shelters, donations and of course our own farm. All of our feline products are carefully screened for disease and thoroughly cleaned before shipment.

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Price: $27.99

Shipping: $0.00

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Feral Cat

Pets or Food™ is proud to bring this virtually unknown Australian delicacy to Western shores. Feral Cat is a very lean, rich meat with virtually no fat content and no cholesterol. Feral Cat is the perfect food for discriminating palettes looking to lower their blood pressure. Due to the feral nature of this item, we are not offering live shipments.

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Price: $45.00

Shipping: $0.00

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Giant Schnoodle

The rare and enigmatic Giant Schnoodle is a cross between the Giant Schnauzer and the venerable Poodle. The result is a mongrel with a fancy name that tastes great over noodles. As most Giant Schnoodles are prone to take on the less exemplary qualities in their parentage, like excessive shedding and a snooty attitude, most are eventually abandoned or turned over to us to be made into our world famous Giant Schnoodle over Noodles.

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Price: $199.95

Shipping: $0.00

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Hamster

Great as pets or snacks while watching the big game. We breed our hamsters in bulk so we're able to pass on the savings to you! Hamsters are sold by the dozen making this item a perfect gift for the child interested in exploring anatomy or the host looking for a way to spice up a gathering. The Ready to Eat™ package contains hamsters on a stick, our exclusive Texas Pets or Food™ BBQ Sauce and a disposable grill. Prices are by the dozen.

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Price: from $9.99

Shipping: $0.00

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Koala

Straight from the sub tropics of Australia comes the yummy, cuddly Koala. Pets or Food™ is proud to offer, for a limited time, a package shipment that includes a 15 pound Koala, 10 pounds of eucalyptus, and handling instructions. Australian Aborigines have long known the delicate flavor of this charming animal. Order one today for your special occasion.

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Price: $1,200.00

Shipping: $0.00

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Pig

Due to the Swine Flu pandemic, pig breeders across North America (which, incidentally, includes Mexico) have been forced to sell their porcine products at close out prices. Some have even paid US to take them off their hands. Their financial disaster is your culinary boon! Because we have been able to obtain piggies at such incredible discounts, we are offering them FREE! That's right, FREE! You just pay shipping.

Although the scientific community has determined that you can not actually get Swine Flu from consuming pork products, Pets or Food accepts no liability if you do contract Swine Flu, or any other pig transmitted illness, from any pigs sold to you, by us.

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Price: $0.00

Shipping: $44.95

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Saint Bernard

This dog is known for being great with kids, loyal and obedient. The Saint Bernard is over a hundred pounds of muscle and tender heartedness. The meat is pretty tender too! We are proud to offer this fine specimen of canine companionship and culinary fare in both Live and Ready To Eat packaging. The Ready To Eat Saint Bernard comes with a freezer filling assortment of ribs, chops, roasts and steaks. Clear out the SubZero and fire up the BBQ!

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Price: from $395.00

Shipping: $0.00

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Spider Monkey

This item has recently moved out of our exotics line due to a special arrangement we've come to with the government of Mozambique. Our processing plant in Obijalla prepares a regional Spider Monkey Delight dish, flash freezes it and ships it to us on a weekly basis. This is without question the freshest Spider Monkey meat available in the West.

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Price: $89.99

Shipping: $0.00

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Taco Terrier

The Taco Terrier is another rare hybrid dog. A cross between the petite, yippy Chihuahua and the tiny, terrifying Terrier! Grrr! The remarkably racist name did, however, provide Executive Chef Diego Chen some interesting ideas on how to prepare the little bastards. None of us at Pets or Food™ really care for small yippy dogs. However, for those of you who do like your companions on the miniscule size, we do offer this appetizer sized Live.

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Price: $49.00

Shipping: $0.00

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